


"For Better or For Worse"

by 2momsmakearight



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, F/M, Past Relationship(s), Season/Series 10, The X-Files Revival, X-Files Wifegate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-17 00:59:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5847742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2momsmakearight/pseuds/2momsmakearight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post- "My Struggle" - They stared at each other, searching one another's eyes for answers to questions that hadn't been asked, longing for that wordless connection they once held but that had slipped away amongst the memories of their former selves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"For Better or For Worse"

Title: "For Better Or For Worse"  
Author: twomomsmakearight (Liz)  
Rating: T to M  
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I make zero money. 

Summary: post- "My Struggle" - conversation in a parking garage. 

Author's note: I don't have a beta and this is the first fanfic I've written in probably 20 years. Feedback appreciated. I really do want to improve my craft. I also need a beta if anyone is interested. Thanks! Enjoy

\---------------------

"Are you ready for this, Scully?"

"I don't think there's a choice," she replied painfully. 

They stared at each other, searching one another's eyes for answers to questions that hadn't been asked, longing for that wordless connection they once held but that had slipped away amongst the memories of their former selves. 

Scully's chin wrinkled and she glanced to the side, blinking away tears that were threatening to form. She looked at her back window and chuckled as she shook her head. "Nice message. You could have just texted me, Mulder," Scully said. 

He shifted on his feet and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Yeah....I uh...I figured this was better than waiting in your bedroom in the dark. I remember your not taking too kindly to my presence," he said, smiling as the memory played in his head. 

Was it really almost twenty years ago that he had done that? And there they were, back in the midst of finding out whether they had been lied to all along - whether they were simply pawns in a game...the SAME game...manipulated and used for insidious purposes. Nothing had changed. The stunning realization hit Mulder in the chest, taking his breath away. 

Scully looked at her shoes and nodded, remembering that same night. Remembering Mulder sitting in her bedroom, awaiting her arrival and coming close to watching her undress. 

That night, he sat in her darkened apartment hiding from the men in the shadows who had lied to him - lied to THEM - the same men responsible for her cancer. Mulder had been told that his life's work was a farce - that there wasn't an alien conspiracy but rather a conspiracy of men and her own health was used as a weapon to get to Mulder. To make him believe the lies. 

"How did we get back here, Mulder?" she asked, exasperated, searching his face. "We've been down so many roads and I just..." she drifted off, shifting her weight to a hip and looking at her shoes. 

"Scully..." Mulder prompted, reaching his finger out to gently touch her cheek. It was soft and light but Scully closed her eyes at the sensation as she felt a ripple of electricity course through her chest making her heart ache. God how she missed this man. 

She looked up at him. "I'm so tired of this," she whispered. "We have fought, and fought and fought," she began but her voice caught in her throat. Mulder winced as he noticed the tears threatening to fall from her lashes. He wanted nothing more than to step forward and take her in his arms but he didn't know if he could. He didn't know if she would be okay with it. 

Mostly, he didn't know if he would be able to let her go again. 

Scully blinked away the tears and swiped at her cheeks. "We have been fighting these...these people...this bullshit for over twenty years, Mulder. I'm tired," she sighed. "I'm so tired of it. It has taken a hold of our lives," she said, disgustedly. Her bottom lip quivered and her voice broke as the tears fell. "It has taken so much from me, Mulder. My abduction...my cancer...William." She paused and looked away. "Us...," she whispered to the ground. 

Mulder could do nothing but nod. He cleared his throat, pushing down the lump that had formed. "I know," he began, nodding. "Scully, I..." he paused, searching for the right words. "I'm well aware of what has been lost to you...lost to us. And so I will ask you again, are you ready for this? I have an idea of what Skinner wants to talk to us about. But I also know...I know what the X-Files did to you, Scully. I know how hard it's been for you to...move on." He sighed, closing his eyes. 

Scully nodded and wiped her cheek before taking a shaky breath. He continued, "Scully I need to know that you're gonna be okay with this...with what we are going to be doing. Protecting Sveta...finding answers about what they did to her- what they did to you...this has the possibility of bringing up old wounds - wounds that haven't healed." His eyes were pleading with hers, pleading for her to understand his words, understand the profound implications that her involvement could have on her own psyche. 

Scully nodded her head and closed her eyes. When she opened them she sought his. She was looking into the eyes of the man she had loved for two decades. The man who would go to the ends of the earth (and did) to save her. These were the same eyes she saw every day working in their basement office, and the same eyes who bore into her soul as he moved above her, making her body feel intensity she had never felt before. She felt the familiar warmth spread through her belly as she remembered the heat of those moments and quickly brushed the thoughts away lest the blush she felt growing became noticeable to Mulder. 

"I know, Mulder" she began, softly. "But I don't think we've ever received the answers we are looking for. Answers about me. About our son." She paused, gathering her thoughts. 

"Trust me. I am not thrilled about what the ramifications of this could do to either one of us. These people mean business, Mulder. Who knows what has happened to Sveta or Tad. Clearly, they struck a nerve -" 

"They got too close, Scully," he said, cutting her off. 

She nodded. "Yeah," she breathed, looking down. "I'm scared, Mulder," she said softly. 

Mulder stepped closer. "I know. I'm scared too," he replied. 

She looked up at him. "I'm scared for so many reasons," she began as her eyes filled with tears again. "I'm scared of searching for answers we might never find. But I'm also scared to find those answers. I'm scared of losing you, Mulder. I've already lost you...I can't..." she couldn't finish as a sob escaped her throat. 

Mulder's heart broke as he watched her and quickly reached out, wrapping his arms around the woman he loved. She buried her face in his chest, pausing only for a moment before wrapping her arms around his waist, clinging to her car keys and handbag. 

He soothingly ran his hand down her hair, and put his cheek against her head. "I'm okay, Scully," he said softly. "I'm getting help. It's....it's just a process," he said as he gently placed a kiss against the top of her head, breathing in the scent of her. 

She still smelled the same. Herbal-scented shampoo mixed with hairspray, the same musky perfume she's worn since he's known her, and a scent that was undeniably Scully. A scent he ached for on a daily basis - a scent he never really noticed while she was there but became overwhelming when she wasn't. He smelt it everywhere in that little house they used to share.

It took a couple weeks before her pillow stopped smelling of her. And it took him another two months before he could bring himself to wash it. The blankets draped across the back of the couch held her smell the longest. 

When their bedding stopped smelling of her and the empty bed became more than he could bare, he moved to the couch and wrapped himself in those blankets, clinging to the memories of her. As he would lay there, her scent would surround him and he couldn't help but remember the moments they shared on that couch - the way her body looked as it moved above him, her head tilted towards the ceiling, with her eyes closed, and brow furrowed as she softly whimpered and moaned his name. He would reach out into the darkness, grasping for the memory of how her skin felt against his, how the heat of her center enveloped him as they shared in their intimacy. He remembers how she used to thread her fingers through his, clinging to him as she rode out her climax and how she tasted as she bent forward to move her lips across his, quietly urging his release against his mouth. Afterwards, he would pull the blanket off the back of the couch and drape it over their sweat-slicked skin, falling asleep while still inside her, her head resting on his chest and his arms wrapped around her. 

Mulder sighed deeply as he breathed her in one more time. Scully pulled away from his embrace. "I know you're getting help, Mulder. And that makes me happy. It does," she said as looked up at him. "But that's not what I mean. Of course I'm afraid of what this might do to whatever progress you've made in your healing, but..." she paused. She drew her upper lip between her teeth and looked away. 

"But..." Mulder prompted, urging her to continue. He saw her eyes fill with tears again and her mouth opened in search of how to proceed. After a moment, she looked him straight in the eyes. The intensity of her gaze made his heart skip a beat. He saw pain, and sadness but also deep love.

"These people, Mulder. These people will do ANYTHING to stop the truth from coming out! We know that. We KNOW what they're capable of," she adamantly said. 

Her voiced hitched as she sobbed to him. "But I've already lost you once. I had to bury you, Mulder!" she cried as the tears fell freely. 

She removed her arms from his waist and she swiped at her tears. He moved one hand to her shoulder while the other cupped her cheek in a touch so familiar. Scully's eyes fluttered shut as she felt his hand on her face. "I can't do that again, Mulder. I can't lose you to this cause. I've lost too much. I can't lose you. Not again," she cried pleadingly. 

Mulder could do nothing but close his eyes and nod. "I know," he sighed as he dropped his hands from her body. Scully looked at his downturned head and nodded in acknowledgement. She had been worried about him enough over the last year but adding in real physical danger and the high likelihood of his death made her feel nauseous. She swallowed and breathed slowly willing down her gag reflux. 

After a moment, Scully looked up to see him still looking down at his shoes. He really did seem exhausted. When was the last time he shaved? He had started working out again, she noticed. His arms and chest were nicely defined. God, how she wanted to reach out and run her hand down his chest. That was always her favorite part of him. How it felt under her fingers, the way it looked as she straddled his hips, his muscles flexing with each thrust of her hips and his. She could still feel his skin as her nails lightly scraped against him and the sound he would make as her lips closed around his sensitive nipples. She felt a warm trickle of desire pool in between her legs and she licked her lips to clear her head. 

Scully shuffled her belongings into one hand and reached between them to lightly clasp his green cargo jacket. "Mulder, listen to me," she said as her eyes pleaded with his. "I need you to understand this. We HAVE to do this. We don't have a choice. There are answers out there we HAVE to find, Mulder." He nodded in agreement. 

She continued. "I'm scared of what we will find, of what may happen to us. We aren't the same people we were twenty years ago. We're old, Mulder," she said, slightly smiling but her eyes remaining serious.

Mulder chuckled. "My knees agree with that sentiment, Scully," he said smiling lopsidedly. 

"We haven't done...this...this whatever the hell it is that we are going to do...for a long time. I'm worried that we won't be as strong as we used to be. I'm worried that we won't have the same protection we once had. It was like we were invincible, Mulder. Do you realize how many time we COULD or SHOULD have died?" she asked, seriously. 

"Well, I actually did, Scully" he smiled. 

She pushed her tongue in her cheek and looked away. She took a step back and shifted her weight on her feet a few times. He winced. "Too soon?" he asked, cursing himself for his inability to have a serious conversation without joking to ease the tension. 

"Mulder," she warned, facing him squarely, but he stopped her. 

"Dana, look," he said as he reached for her free hand, "if this is too much for you, it's okay," he said, before sighing deeply as he looked at the ceiling of the parking garage. The fluorescent lights above them flicked slightly. 

He looked back to her. "You know how much I need you with me on this - how your medical expertise could and WILL help find our answers. But you mean too much to me to see you get hurt." He squeezed her hand. "I can't -" he said before feeling her fingers against his lips stopping his words. He closed his eyes at the electric sensation her fingers caused. 

"Stop, Mulder. Stop," she pleaded softly with him. She removed her fingers from his mouth but her eyes remained locked on them, her fingers still tingling. 

"If we are going to do this, we are doing it together," she said as her eyes met his again. "You and me, Mulder. You. And. Me" she enunciated each word. 

"I'm..." she huffed and shifted her feet, unable to voice her thoughts. She turned her head, not wanting to meet his eyes. She spoke softly. "You're the love of my life, Fox." She shifted her feet and cleared her throat. "I still -" she started. 

Mulder cut her off by bringing his hand to her face, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "It's okay," he said understandingly. "I'll never stop loving you, Dana. But I've seen what this cause has done to us and....and I...I'm trying to be the man you fell in love with. Be the man you deserve. But if this new...development... is going to wedge us further then I don't know if I can do it" he said, painfully. 

She looked at him and titled her head slightly. "Oh, Mulder" she breathed as she closed her eyes and licked her lips. "What the hell happened to us?" she asked, sadly. 

The question was left hanging in front of them as the air became thick. Scully looked at Mulder's face and saw two decades of guilt and fear play over his features. A year ago, he was a shell of the man she fell in love with and he had made some improvements. It was noticeable to her. She just wished he had made the changes sooner. 

Scully swallowed away the sense of regret that was building in her chest. She was good at feeling regret. If she wasn't feeling regret over giving up her son she was feeling regret over walking out on Mulder. But she didn't know what else to do at the time. 

Both times, the man that she loved -her other half - wasn't there to save her from herself. He was the constant in her life, keeping her grounded. When he wasn't there with her (physically or emotionally) she didn't know how to live. Sure, she was good at existing. But living...really living without her partner, without the other half of her heart, was damn near impossible. Try as she might, Dana Scully didn't know how to exist without Fox Mulder in her life. She so desperately wished for glimpses of the man she fell in love with. The man she shared two decades of her life with. 

She had promised him, on multiple occasions, that she would never leave him and yet a part of her knew she could never keep that promise. A part of him knew it, too. But no matter what happened between them as lovers, they would always remain friends...and partners. 

"Hey..." she said to him, a small smile appearing on her face. Her eyes were bright and amused. He raised his head up to see her face and tilted his head in consideration. "As scared as I am of the possibility of something happening to you, I'm more scared of what might happen if I'm NOT there," she smiled, allowing her teeth to show behind her full lips. "Someone's gotta save your ass, Mulder." Her eyes were shining with mirth and she licked her bottom lip. 

Mulder closed his eyes and chuckled. When he opened his eyes he caught her beautiful blue eyes staring into his, a smile still on her face. His chest tightened as he felt overwhelming love for this woman, his partner, best friend, mother of his child and wife. 

It took everything in his power to not reach out and crush her mouth to his. 

Though they were never legally married (being on the run from the government sort of put a kink in that idea) they had said vows to one another one evening as they lay in each other's arms. He knew it wasn't legal. He knew it wasn't binding. He didn't even really know if Scully had taken it seriously, or if she thought it was simply a post-coital moment of emotions - simple pillow talk. 

But it mattered to Mulder. He took his words seriously. As they laid wrapped in each other's arms, he delicately whispered his love's affirmation to the woman whose naked body was draped against his, her legs entwined between his, her head resting against his chest. Mulder made lazy circles along her back, gently scraping his fingers against her soft, delicate skin leaving goosebumps in his path. 

He smiled as he bent his face to place a soft kiss on the top of her head. "I can feel you thinking," she murmured against his skin. He brought his hand up and ran his fingers through her silly strands. He picked up her left hand, which was draped across his chest. "Marry me, Scully," he said softly, his voice husky with emotion. He felt her stiffen slightly against him. "What?" she asked, slightly confused. 

"Marry me, Scully. Right here. Right now," he said, smiling against the top of her head. She chuckled, against his chest and buried her face into his neck. "And how, exactly, can we get married if we are laying in this bed naked, Mulder?" He felt her smiling against his neck. 

She lifted her head from his shoulder and propped her head on her right hand. Mulder laced his fingers through her left hand and brought her hand to his lips. Sometimes the tenderness this man showed her brought tears to her eyes. 

"It's simple, really," he said. He shifted his head so he could look in her eyes. They were inches apart and he could see the brightness of her eyes in the moonlight. He cleared his throat and looked deeply into her. 

"I, Fox, take you, Dana, to be my wife. To have and to hold, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part," he spoke the words with a seriousness she had never heard from him. It took her breath away and she sat there stunned, unable to stop the tears from forming behind her eyes. "Mulder," she breathed, his words rendering her speechless. And as one lone tear fell, she repeated the vows to him. When she finished, his eyes were sparkling with unshed tears. He then reached across and pulled her head towards his, sealing their vows with a heated kiss. 

They kissed tenderly and languidly, savoring the taste of one another and the wet, velvety feeling of their lips as they moved in unison. "God, Scully I love you so much," he whispered, rubbing his nose against hers. She pulled away from him and bit her lower lip. "Then show me," she responded, her voice growing husky with desire. He rolled them so she lay under his body and he began to show just how much he really did love her, consummating their vows as her body writhed under his, the sounds of their shared ecstasy echoing into the evening. 

As Mulder came back to the present, he reached across and gently swiped his finger along her cheek. "Thanks for saving my ass all those times, partner," he smiled.

She smiled back. "We saved each other, Mulder." Both understood the multiple meanings behind her statement. 

They saved each other.

Mulder nodded silently, unable to speak lest his voice betray him as he felt a lump form in his throat. He turned his attention to her car window where he had written his message. "Don't give up," it read. 

Without looking at her, Mulder asked, "so are you with me, Scully?" He turned his body to face hers squarely. 

She sighed and stepped towards him. His face looked pained, nervous, heavy with emotions. She reached out with her free hand and gently brushed a stray lock of hair off his forehead, letting her fingers linger as she brushed them down his temple to his jaw. 

She felt butterflies in her stomach at the closeness of him, feeling the heat radiate off him, feeling his breath against her forehead, it's warmth making her swallow convulsively and eyelids flutter slightly. 

"For better or for worse, Mulder." Her voice came out huskier than she realized and so she quickly stepped back and cleared her throat. Mulder just stared at her, unable to move, willing his body to not respond to the sheer nearness of her...of what those words meant. 

After a moment, Mulder blinked. "You ready to go see Skinner, Scully?" Scully nodded and reached into her handbag for her keys. "You need a ride, Mulder?" she asked. 

He put his hands in his pockets and shifted his weight. "Nah, I was gonna hitchhike over there..." He smiled. 

She turned back to him and rolled her eyes. "Shut up, Mulder and get in the damn car," she said as she opened the driver's door. Mulder laughed and shook his head. He took the sleeve of his jacket and wiped clean the message he had left for her. He brushed the dust off his sleeve and opened the door to the passenger side of her car. 

The air from the inside of the car assaulted his senses and he closed his eyes as he took in a deep breath. It was her. Underneath that addictive new car smell was the smell of her he would never forget. He sat in the seat with his eyes closed as he memorized her scent, reveling in the comfort of it and missing it so much his heart ached. 

His reverie was broken as he felt her hand gently touch his arm. "Mulder? You okay?" she asked, her brows furrowed in concern. He patted her hand and smiled, reaching over to close the door to his side of the car. He turned back to her. "Yeah, I am," he replied. She nodded once and put the keys in the ignition to start the car. 

As she drove them out of the garage and through the streets of downtown Washington, D.C. Scully occasionally glanced over at Mulder, his gaze fixated on the passenger window, staring at the sites passing by. She smiled to herself as a familiar emotion rumbled inside her. She loved him. It wasn't news to her as she had loved him for as long as she can remember. And she certainly had never fallen out of love with him. Love was never the problem in their relationship. The problem was that love wasn't enough. 

She missed him.

She missed him ways that she never thought she would. And she was desperately lonely because of it. She pursed her lips as she thought about her evening with Tad. It was nice to be thought of - to know that someone was thinking of you while you away. To know that someone wanted to see you for no other reason than 'just because'. She missed that. But she missed *him* more. 

Mulder.

The love of her life. The father of her child and, for all intents and purposes, her husband. A lump grew in the back of her throat as she remembered the intense intimacy of that moment and how in love they were. At the time, she didn't think she could love him anymore than she did. She was wrong. She fell in love with him more each passing day...and if she was honest with herself, she would realize that she still does. 

As if he could read her thoughts, Mulder quickly looked over at her right hand resting on her lap and took it in his. He continued to stare out the passenger window while his thumb caressed the back of her hand. 

They were silent with the exception of the radio playing quietly in the background, both lost in their own thoughts. Both thinking of their pasts. Both scared at the prospect of the future.   
Both terrified of the same thing. 

But the longer they sat, the stronger they became. It was like that missing part of each of them was returning - making them individually whole again. Both basked in the comfort that the other provided, afraid to move or speak for fear of breaking the spell they seemed to be under. The spell of healing. 

As she pulled into the parking structure of the FBI Building and parked the car, she disentangled her hand from his and turned the keys in the ignition to kill the engine. They silently got out of the car and walked towards the elevators. A sense of muscle memory must have walked them because they were both lost in their own thoughts, stomachs simultaneously nervous and excited about the conversation about to happen on the 4th floor. 

Scully looked up at the indicator lights above the elevator as the doors dinged to open. She took a shaky breath and adjusted her jacket, smoothing her hands down her skirt. 

As they walked into the elevator, Mulder swallowed thickly. He tapped the button for the fourth floor and waited for the doors to close. As they began to close, he gently took Scully's hand, lightly brushing his fingers against hers. They were in this together. She glanced down at their hands before looking intently at Mulder, one eyebrow arched. He smiled down at her. 

"For better or for worse, Scully."


End file.
